"if i keep giving you pieces soon you'll have all of me"

Shall I breathe(2003)

At my end

I’m so close to the edge

I shall hold my breath

As even in it’s slightest movement

It will take me over into a sea of endlessness

Where there is no return

For it is continuous

I have glimpsed

Slightly felt and tasted

And have concluded

I must plan an escape

To avoid capture

My demise, my end

So I ask within my silence

Deep within my soul

What shall I do to gain that

which I may never have known

And if it is there

Within my grasp

How will I know

Shall I chance

Shall I breathe

searchin... for the deeper meaning of me and the me i was destined to be...why i long to be loved... yet despise being loved... searchin... for a deeper meaning in your touch, your kiss, and why initially i resist... then eventually give in...  only to wish you would do it again... searchin... for understanding... and how in your world you weren't exposed to shit... but in my crazy mixed up world i was always lookin for a hit...  to take me far away from the madness... that has created perpetual sadness... that goes on and on and on... searchin... for a life that lives... and a heart that gives... love transferring peace... when my mind is really saying cease... you don't have to go on... so i dig deep for strength to be strong... tryin hard to forget the mess... i know longer want to address... then i ask... why was i created....only to feel inundated with life's many expectations... bringing with it frustrations... and anticipation… Lord knows I need a revelation… searchin...

The idea of LOVE...

Greater LOVE hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for a friend (John 15:13)

The ideology of LOVE

often seems unreachable as i ponder is it teachable

like LOVE's attainability, or my own ability to grasp it then share it, welcome to my reality, and with all my internal concerns i seek God’s understanding for this desire I yearn so, I’ve come to realize without compromise i’m in LOVE with the idea of LOVE not carnal LOVE which we take as freely as we give because feelings come and go as long as we live but God’s LOVE Unconditional LOVE. LOVE that is no respecter of person and sees no color a natural response in acceptance of my sister and brother      self-LOVE that builds      self-value and self-esteem LOVE that wakes me up confident it wasn’t all a dream, secure in knowing I was fearfully and wonderfully made and for this the ultimate price has already been paid, praising and thanking God continuously becomes a natural expression healed from past hurts, rejection and years of depression     God’s LOVE   Unconditional LOVE the idea of LOVE not man’s LOVE that’s temporal and changes with the season but LOVE that gives life and speaks life without reason no strings attached or priced for the highest bidder but the same LOVE that resides in my Father the forgiver LOVE that creates bonds and trust LOVE that’s not jealous, envious, or filled with lust LOVE that inspires and increases my desire for God’s LOVE Unconditional LOVE not just a feeling but genuine from the heart LOVE that builds andoesn’t tear a part not just verbalized or assumed but ACTION and not attention seeking for A self-gratifying reaction God’s LOVE      Unconditional LOVE. LOVE that prays without ceasing when physically and emotionally I want to give up and then I visualize the cross and Jesus saying remove this cup and then He said not my will but thy will Just the thought of it makes my heartbeat still for God so LOVED the world he gave his only begotten son. God’s LOVE     Unconditional LOVE. I want to stand tall knowing love conquers all I want God’s LOVE to manifest in me to the depths of my soul and then I want that LOVE to grow in my marriage and rain down on our children their children and their children’s children and break every generational curse that tried to birth seeds of hate and fear in my family line from this day forward til the end of time.

Many waters cannot quench LOVE and rivers cannot wash it away (SS 8:7)

I'm in LOVE with the idea of LOVE God's LOVE

Unconditional LOVE